


Don't Grow Up Gay in Missouri

by fabulouspie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Anxiety, Bottom Gabriel, Bullying, Catholic, Character Death, Christianity, Cutting, Depressed Gabriel, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Dominant Sam, Family Issues, Gabriel/Sam Winchester - Freeform, High School, High School Student Castiel, High School Student Dean, High School Student Gabriel, High School Student Sam, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Homophobic family, Insomnia, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Male Homosexuality, Novak Family, Sabriel - Freeform, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Submissive Gabriel, Top Sam, Triggers, church, high school supernatural, religious
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-11
Updated: 2015-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-11 16:30:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3331475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fabulouspie/pseuds/fabulouspie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“When has it ever been okay,” he murmured, pleadingly, to Sam. “You can't change fate."</p>
<p>It's pretty hard living in a family where they'd kill you if they knew you were gay. It'd be pretty hard raised very homophobic. It's pretty hard to have your brain hardwired to hate the thing you are, because you're the thing you hate most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Paper Balls

**Author's Note:**

> Hello readers! I won't say too much, because I don't want to give anything away. But this is a Sabriel fanfic I wrote, based on a roleplay. It will be sad, and could be triggering. If you are prone to triggers, I suggest you do not read. For your own safety. Otherwise totally read. Yeah. Sabriel. Also, I am definitely not as smart as Gabe, and don't know anything about trigonometry. I like to stick to my areas of writing and drawing, so bear with me. Anyways, I hope you like! Leave a comment because yes. You are all my test subjects of emotion >:) 
> 
> I also want to put in this trigger warning. I will try to put them in each chapter containing triggering events, but a lot of them are important to the plot. If you choose to continue reading, just know that this has many triggering thing, and others such as swearing, offensive sexual actions, and offensive languge.
> 
> Thanks!

Gabriel frowned at the piece of paper in front of him, scrubbing his eraser at the pencil marks. Gabriel hated tests. Loathed them. He chewed at the inside of his cheek and tapped his pencil on his desk. Gabe sighed and looked up at the teacher who was facing the blackboard, scrawling down equations with small squeaks of her chalk. She shifted her weight and her tight pencil skirt clung to her form. He chuckled a bit and looked back down at his test. It wasn't that Gabe wasn't good at math, he just...couldn't read the words.

Gabriel scrawled a few numbers down on the test and sighed, deciding that was good enough. He was about to put his head down when he noticed the boy in front of him, Sam Winchester, looking his way. Gabriel shook it off. Adrian sat behind him so he must have been ogling her. She was far more attractive with her bleached white choppy hair and perfectly glossed pink lips, wide spread hips, full bust...Plus, he was a guy.

Sam looked over at Gabe once again. 'Would it really hurt to pass a note or something?' he thought, looking down at sheet of lined paper. 'Oh there you go Sam Winchester. Acting like a girl who has a crush on someone.'

He rolled his eyes before tearing a piece of paper out of his notebook and wrote 'hey you're Gabriel...right?' And slid it over to him, luckily not getting caught.

Gabriel frowned at it a bit and opened it. He looked at it and the letters swam in front of him. He blinked and it didn't go away. He felt his lips tug into a sad expression. He felt cheated. Gabriel picked up his pencil and messily scrawled out the words, 'do yor TesT, idYit,' and threw it at the back of the boy's head. Ms. Coban glared at him but he just averted his eyes, looking down at the cracked plastic covering of the table. He licked his lips, arms folded in front of him, and put his head down. Gabriel sighed and looked at his lollipop.

When Sam got the note back and read it he wasn't exactly pleased by this kids reaction he sighed, but he smirked a little bit. Obviously Sam was done with his test so this was just something that made him smile to himself.

'Idiot? Mm..I don't think so. And I would get back to my test, well I mean if I even had it I wouldn't be trying to get your attention now would I? I finished it,' he wrote back before doing what he did before, quickly tossing it to him so the teacher wouldn't see.

Gabe caught it quickly, opening it and not bothering to attempt to read it. 'juST FiniSh the daMn TEST, WincHEstEr' he scrawled back angrily, his letters sloppy and uneven.

'If you would even look at me, or read what I'm saying.. I finished it.' he wrote back. Obviously this kid was annoyed as Hell, but he probably just wanted to be out of there. Just like Sam did.

He quickly passed the note back and huffed a quiet murmur of disappointment.

Gabriel bit his lip and looked at the wadded up paper sitting in front of his face. He opened it slowly, scanning his eyes across the page. The words swam like seaweed in a lake, all jumbled and hard to define. he clenched his jaw. 'whatevEr.' he wrote, guessing. 'wAht are yuw toking to me for' he scribbled a bit angrily.

Sam chuckled when he got the note back.

He didn't really have a reason now did he? He bit his lower lip and sighed, grabbing his pencil.

'You.. Well you caught my attention.. I guess that's the only real reason I have.'

He passed the note back slowly this time. Now Sam Winchester was getting a bit...shy, something that wasn't to rare but definitely reserved for those...special occasions.

This was definitely a special occasion.

'Why does he keep trying to talk to me...' Gabe thought to himself. He sighed and jotted down a simple 'oKay' for that seemed like a response good for anything.

'Right.. So I don't think you ever answered my question.. You're Gabriel if I'm not mistaken.'

He chuckled a little, knowing that was a stupid question but he wanted to keep talking to him.

Gabriel's jaw tightened a bit but stared at the note.

Your Gabriel, tight?

'Right. It probably says right...I think...' he thought, sighing silently. He responded with a quick 'yEs'. He had asked his name, right?

'Sam Winchester, but I think you already figured that one out?' Sam smiled to himself as he wrote the last bit, before passing it back.

It would be so much better if he could actually talk to Gabriel instead of pass this stupid note.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes and glanced at the clock. '15 minutes left,' he wrote back, tossing t against the back of his head.

Sam read the note and chuckled, it's like this kid could read minds or something,

He shook his head writing back

'Whats your next class after this?'

An ant crawled past Gabriel's fingers and he stabbed at it with the stick of his lollipop.

Sam just continued to stare at Gabriel. There was something different about him he just wasn't exactly sure what it was.

Gabriel looked at the note and scanned it. Sighing, he pushed it away and put his feet back up of the table and the lollipop back in his mouth.

Sam frowned, looking at Gabriel then down at his desk.

After a period of 13 minutes that felt more like years, the clock finally buzzed and Gabriel stood up quickly, chair squealing backwards.

Sam wasn't fast like everyone else, he actually stayed in his seat and waited. The class room was cleared out enough and he soon grabbed his bag heading for the door.

Gabriel leaned against the door frame waiting for Sam.

Once Sam was at the door he noticed Gabriel.

"Hmm..where you waiting on me?" He asked, looking down at the surprisingly shorter male.

Gabriel smirked, face pulling into a grin. "So what if I was?" he said a tad teasingly, cocking his head to the right a bit, smirking up and Sam.

The taller male chuckled before he shook his head,

"Don't worry I don't mind." He mumbled quietly looking down at Gabriel before he stepped out of the class room, "For a second I could've sworn I annoyed you."

 _'He's so tall..'_ Gabriel thought, a tad flustered. His grin widened, teeth now showing.

"You know.. I thought you'd be a lot taller," Sam mumbled, biting his lip. "It's kinda cute- I mean.." Sam nearly cursed out loud. That wasn't very smooth of him.

A small shiver ran down Gabriel's, obviously not expecting that. "Oho?" Gabriel chuckled, practically choking on his words, shoving his sweaty palms into his pockets.

"Anyways.." He mumbled quietly trying to play this off, sadly his brother never gave him advice on how to act smooth or whatever.

"What's your next class?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Advanced trig," he said, popping a KitKat in his mouth.

Sam smirked a little when he saw Gabriel pop the candy into his mouth,

"You and candy.. I swear.." He mumbled quietly soon realized what class Gabriel said. "Looks like you're stuck with me for another class."

Gabriel flicked his eyebrows upward, nodding. His jaw moved in circular motions, then he swallowed. "I know. Fourth row, third from the left," licking his lips lightly.

"You must love looking at me," he said, his smirked widening by the second.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes. "What's that supposed to mean..."

"Oh nothing don't worry, let's just.. Get to class. Shall we?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

Gabriel stopped. "Johanna Jackson is the first person in the first row. Then there's Ben, Zach, Megan, then Avery. The second row goes Kevin, Max, Bevon, Jo, with an empty desk where Alastair would sit but he always skips between Max and Bevon. The third is Anthony, Hellen, Uriel, Balthazar, and John. Then there's the fourth. Daisy and Charlie-gosh those to are always talking-, you, Tam, and Christopher. Then I sit in the fifth with Rox."

"Okay maybe you're just really good at remembering things?" He chuckled lightly before he bit his lower lip and shrugged,

"That's kinda cool though. I barley knew half of those people where in that class," he said truthfully.

Gabriel smirked halfheartedly. "I am quite talented."

"I can tell...but that's good..." he mumbled quietly before he bit his lower lip, a small smile tugging on his lips.

Gabriel raised both eyebrows, but one high than the other. He grinned, showing some teeth, holding his leather bound text books.

Sam let out a small sighed, his arms crossed and books in his bag

"Well I suppose we should, get going?" he asked.

Gabriel nodded, now munching on a Twix.

Sam started walking, keeping his hands to himself but couldn't help but chuckle every now and then.

"What is it is Samuel?" Gabe smirked, looking up at Sam.

"Samuel? Really?" He asked raising an eyebrow and sighing.

"Just...you must really like candy."

"Yes, Samuel."

"Oh c'mon, I know you can think of a better nick name," he said jokingly.

"Well Mr. Sammy Wammy McFammy Pants, I think I can," he mocked.

"Alright let's just stick with Samuel," he said, chuckling lightly.

"Okay Rawhead," Gabriel smirked, leaning against the trigonometry classroom door frame.

Sam managed to walked past Gabriel but in all honesty he'd rather stay there and talk to the candy addict.

He sat down in his seat and sighed pulling out a full books.

"Hey, Moose!" Gabriel called after him.

Sam groaned and looked at Gabriel. That was definitely an interesting nickname

"Yes?" he asked.

"Think fast," he smirked, whipping a small hard candy towards him.

Sam did as he was told and caught it before it could it him or anyone around him.

"Candy? Really?" he asked.

Gabe smiled lightly. "Yep," he grinned, shrugging.

Sam looked at the stone and chuckled stuffing it in his pocket making sure not to loose it

"Hm, well thanks?" he laughed, a bit unsure of anything else to say.

Gabriel chuckled and sat down.

-

_Halfway through class, Gabriel stood up. "That's not right. The cosin for θ, would be 26 over x, using the method you taught us. Then to find the hypotenuse, or x, you use the Pythagorean Theorem," he stated matter-o-factly. "It's really that simple."_

_Sam's attention was taken away when Gabriel stood up, his eyes widened a bit when he heard everything Gabriel said. Damn that kid was smart. Even though this was supposed to be review, he didn't remember any of this stuff._

_"And," he smirked, letting the a draw out, "this is basic review."_

_The dark haired male had to hold in his laughter but everyone else around him just seemed shocked but they laughed after a few seconds._

_Sam glanced back at the teacher who kinda just stood there in shock._

_"You aren't going to say anything? Okay. Be my guest."_

_Sam looked back at Gabe then the teacher_

_"Well Mr. Novak I wasn't aware of how smart my students actually are.." the teacher mumbled, causing Sam to chuckle to himself._

_Gabriel smiled, looking pleased with himself. He then sat back down._

_The teacher went back to teaching but before he did he told Gabriel if he messed up on anything else don't be afraid to say anything else._

_Sam gave Gabriel a wide smirk before he went back to writing stuff down._

 

But that was what happened in his head. Gabriel had noticed the mistake, but done nothing to correct it. Instead he sighed and lay his head on the desk. He took a Snickers out of his pocket and nibbled at it.

Sam looked at Gabriel and shook his head, chuckling. He couldn't help him self.

"Whasht.." he muttered, pouting his lips out into a sort of, duck-face.

"You and your candy.." he mumbled. He was surprised at how much candy Gabriel ate but still looked good. Well..like..good _for a guy..._

Sam blushed a bit, and thankfully Gabe didn't notice.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "It's good."

"Well obviously? That's the point of candy, it's supposed to be good."

"You say it's like you've never had any," he laughed.

"I have had candy Gabriel, just not as much as you," he stated.

Gabriel grinned. "How much Sasquatch?"

"Not much." He chuckled at the nickname...he could get used to them.

Gabe laughed. "How tragic."

"Oh I don't think it's that tragic," he mumbled setting his pencil down.

"Now that," he said, tipping his pencil in Sam's direction, "that is sad."

"Oh hush, it's just candy. It hasn't made a difference in my life," he shrugged.

Gabe sighed and shook his head sadly.

"You look like a disappointed parent.." he mumbled quietly.

"I am," he said, closing his eyes, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed.

"Well you're obviously not my parent." He said with a small smirk before he glanced at him,

"Oh c'mon, it's just candy."

"It's just candy what's the big deal?"

The teacher cleared his throat. "Um..everyone who is done or understands this subject can leave class early...anyone staying, I can talk with you about what you don't understand..."

Gabriel took the opportunity and quickly gathered his things. he then proceeded to run out the door.

Sam saw him and finished quickly, scurrying out after him.

-

Gabriel walked into the cafeteria and leaned against against a vending machine containing bottles of coca cola. He bought one and took the bottle opener from on top of the machine. He cracked it open and took a sip.

Sam finally found him and walked in, smiling to himself at the look of Gabriel drinking the soda. He chuckled and stepped over to him.

Gabriel looked over. "You following me, now, Sasquatch?" he asked, smirking lightly.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Maybe. I could have just found myself in the same room with you," he said, smirking back.

Gabriel chuckled and took another sip. "How's Dean?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, leaning against the white washed wall.

Sam frowned. "How do you know Dean?"he asked, puzzled.

Gabriel laughed. "For one, I know everyone in this school's full name, date of birth, address and phone number. But he was also in my class a few years back. That is, when he was actually there.."

Sam laughed at that. Dean was always skipping classes and getting into all kinds of trouble.

"Don't look so surprised," Gabriel continued. "I may look it, but I'm not stupid."

Sam smiled a bit. "Of course," he mumbled, laughing. "I swear he hasn't had good grades since he discovered sex. He keeps talking about this one kid here...don't remember what year he is, though..."

Gabriel frowned lightly. "He?" he questioned, making sure he had heard right.

Sam looked a bit confused. "Yeah..is there..a..problem?"

Gabriel ran a hand through his dark amber hair, a few strands falling to the side of his face, framing his golden brown eyes nicely. He rubbed the back of his neck a bit nervously and shook his head.

Sam grinned. "Good..I mean...it's not like Dean's queer or anything...I think he'd just bang anything he sees."

Gabriel laughed halfheartedly. "Yeah, I guess so. Do you remember the guys name?" he asked, taking another drink from his bottle.

"Mm..I think it was uhh...Castiel? I'm not sure.."

Gabriel's eyes widened and he spat out his drink. "Castiel?!" he practically shouted, looking a bit shaken and horrified.

Sam raised an eyebrow laughing, wiping a few drops of soda off his sleeve. "Um, yeah..why? Do you know him?"

"He's my big brother!" he said, looking steamed as he managed to cough out a laugh.

Sam laughed some more. "Really?" When Gabriel nodded, he looked a bit confused. "What. Is something wrong?" he asked Gabe. "I mean, I guess I would probably be worried if my big brother were to get with the school hot shot," he laughed, grinning.

Gabriel shook his head, licking his lips. "No...just..happy for him," he chuckled taking another sip of his coke.

Sam frowned, but shook it off. He couldn't help think there was something Gabriel wasn't saying, but then again, he always tended to worry to much.

Gabriel finished the soda and tossed the empty glass into the recycling ban next to him, landing it in with a sharp clang.

"So..." Sam murmured trying to keep the conversation going.

Gabriel looked over. "Yeah?"

"What's your next class?"

"LA," he said casually, fists clenching in his pocket.

Sam nodded. "Oh well...I've got S-" he started, Gabriel cutting him off.

"Social Studies."

Sam laughed. "Jesus Gabriel, is there anything you don't know?"

Gabriel grinned. "No."

'Yes.'

He laughed more and rolled his eyes, straightening up at the sound of the bell.

Gabriel grabbed his leather bound books, slipping them into his bag. "Bye," he chuckled, not really expecting a reply. I mean, he just met him. He was new, and new people never stayed. But Gabe remembered. He remembered everyone that had left. He turned on his heels with a small squeak of the soles on his saddle shoes, barely audible over the crowd, when Sam interrupted him.

"Gabe!" he yelled after him. "Gabe wait!"

Gabe turned back around, a bit confused. "Yeah?" he asked loudly.

"Will you meet me outside after school?"

Gabriel nodded. "Sure," he murmured, and turned to leave again.


	2. Sidewalks Too Small

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabe has a girlfriend and Sam goes too far.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So sorry for not updating quicker. If you guys comment, it'll remind me to, so keep that up ;) Please, please, please tell me your questions, concerns, comments, critiques, tips, whatever. I also would like to know your thoughts on the personal narration perspective. Personally, I think LGBTQIA+ books are better when written from the perspective of the person struggling with their identity, but I have had many people tell me that they like this written in third-person with both peoples thoughts. I find it a bit more confusing to read that kind of stuff, but others seem to like it. Please tell me what you think! ;3;

Gabriel didn't even try to pay attention or attempt to read the words scratched onto the chalkboard with the white dusty chalk. His head hurt and he felt a bit warm. _'It's probably just another mild fever,'_ he told himself, laying his head down on his desk. He listened to the clock tick the hours by and the sound of the old teachers words droning on in the back of his head. He wanted the day to be over. He wanted to **leave**.

When the bell finally rung he looked almost exhausted, as if he was carrying a heavy load on his back. His eyes felt sunken in, as they drooped down, looking at his shuffling feet across the brown tiles of the dusty floor. He sighed and looked up when he got to his locker. The slowly spun his lock to form his combination, 66-99-12. He clicked the lock open, and opened his dark red locker with a loud creak, though it couldn't be heard over all the people in he hall.

Gabriel slid his books into his side bag and placed a hand in the pocket of the tan wool sweater he always wore. He bit bit his lower lip deeply and pulled out a thin metal sheet box smaller than his palm, and tucked it into a pocket on his bag, contents ratting quietly inside.

Gabe sighed again and shut his locked, clicking the blue turn lock back into place. He put his hands back into his pockets of his jeans and started to walk towards the doors, remembering his promise to Sammy.

Gabriel leaned against the wall of the school, closing his eyes. He was practically hidden from view by a large bush.

Sam walked out and looked around, searching for Gabe. "Hey," he smiled, looking behind the bush.

Gabriel looked up, opening his eyes. "Hey," he murmured.

Sam frowned. "You okay?" he asked, frowning.

"Hmm? Yeah," he smirked.

Sam tried to ignore the small hint of tiredness in his eyes. "Okay what ever, sorry," he laughed.

Gabe smiled a genuine, real, smile. It was a rare act, the motion feeling foreign on his lips, like he was trying to speak in a language he knew well as a child but had forgotten how.

Sam looked away awkwardly for a second before look back at Gabriel. "So...would you maybe want to go over to my house?"

 _ **'Go over to a boy's house?'**  _his thoughts told him. ** _'That's not right, you know you can't do that.'_**

"..sure," he said, smiling lightly, the corners of his lips barely turned up.

 ** _'Gabriel!!'_  **the voices yelled.

"Cool!" Sam grinned. "It's uhh...this way.." he said,pointing down the narrow sidewalk big enough for two people to squeeze close together.

Gabriel nodded and followed him along the sidewalk. It was move of a cement path really, only meant to be for one.

"Why don't you ever questions?" Sam asked after a long awkward silence.

Gabriel glared at him and rolled his eyes.

"And sassy Gabriel is back!" he stated, smirking.

"Gurlll...yah keep mentioning this sa~assy thang. Eet soun's laik sumebody laiks eet," he smirked teasingly, using a valley girl accent.

"Jesus Chri-" Sam started, stopping when he saw Gabriel frown.

"Don't say The Lord's name in vain," he said in all seriousness.

Sam swallowed. "I'm sorry..I didn't mean to offend you but..you're just, that was perfect, Gabriel," he chuckled before he nudged the shorter male a bit.

Gabriel flinched backwards in response to the nudge at his ribs, but managed a smile. The smile, however, did not reach his eyes. But he chuckled out a small laugh as he stared into Sam's brownish green eyes. "Don't worry, I get that a lot.. Sorry...just um...."

Sam nodded. "Yeah, of course. I respect that. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.." he smiled down at Gabriel. He didn't know why he had never talked to him before. He was making him so happy.

Gabriel looked up at Sam, his shoulders pressed against his perfectly muscled arm. He bit his lip lightly as Sam smiled.

Sam blushed tenderly and looked away. "It's um right there.." he murmured quietly, squeezing his wide arm out from between the two of them to point at a shabby house a few meters away.

Gabriel nodded and put his hands in his pockets. His throat tightened a bit when he fingers brushed over the thin, metal, sheet tin. Gabriel swallowed and tried to shrug it off, pushing his hands deeper down.

Sam walked up to the house and unlocked the heavily bolted locks covering the door, which made Gabriel chuckle to himself.

"Why so many?" he asked.

"Hmm? Oh these?" Sam said, jest urging towards the locks. "I'm not really sure actually," he laughed.

Gabriel laughed to and stepped in, looking around.

"Make yourself at home," Sam said, setting down his bag.

Gabriel set his bag neatly next to Sam's and walked into the kitchen. "Thank you.." he said quietly, pulling out a stool and silently sitting slowly down. He watched with horror as Sam hopped up onto the counter, grinning down at him.

Sam laughed. "Is this not what you do at home?" he smiled.

Gabriel blushed and stood to join him, having to climb the stool to get high enough to get on. "I don't whatever I want," he laughed, smiling back.

Sam chuckled then sighed. "What do you want to do?" he asked Gabe.

He shrugged, not really knowing what else to say.

"Hmm...tell me a bit about yourself.." Sam murmured.

Gabe laughed. "All 15 years?" Sam rolled his eyes.

"No, ya idjit. Just...what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Gabriel's face fell a bit. "Dunno...Maybe later I shall, and I shall pass along my knowledge to you," he said, smiling. Again, the smile did not reach his eyes, his expression pained.

"Okay I'm not gonna press if you don't want to talk," Sam said, smiling crookedly.

Gabe chuckled a bit and looked at his shabby brown shoes.

"So...what's up?" Sam asked, trying to break the awkward tension.

"You're cracked beige ceiling apparently," Gabriel chuckled, tipping his head back to see it again.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Be quiet. It's better than no ceiling."

"A hell of a lot better than mine."

"Oh c'mon, your place can't be that bad. I thought you were like, really rich or something."

"We are. And it looks like a fucking church. There's one of those stupid marble dome ceilings with the little naked angels babies hovering over the pedophile looking God."

Sam looked at Gabriel and laughed a bit. "Why do you live there?"

"My dad is the head priest. Everyone says he was chosen by God..."

Sam nodded. "Okay I see...I guess." He gave a small laugh then looked around a bit.

"I just met you Moose Man, and you invite me over to your house. I could be a local criminal wearing a flesh mask from one of my victims."

Sam laughed. "I don't know you just seem...trustworthy."

"You can never really tell."

"Alright, then what aren't you telling me Mr. Novak," he said, resting and elbow on the table and his chin on his hand.

Gabe rolled his eyes. "I didn't say anything about me."

Sam nodded. "I guess." After a bit he said, "Dean isn't home yet...do you think he's with Cas?..."

"No," Gabriel said, probably too sharply for Sam seemed to wince and shrink back a bit.

"I mean...it's a possibility..." Sam muttered, biting his lips and looking a bit hurt.

Gabriel closed his eyes, putting a hand to his lips. "I'm so sorry Sammy...I didn't mean to yell," he murmured lifting his head, eyes now wide open, glistening with wet tears. His lips pouted into a frown, hand still cutely resting on his lower face. "Will you ever forgive me?" he asked, eyes spilling over.

"Oh Je- gosh...Gabriel...I'm sorry. I forgive you..." he said, biting his lower lip and touching his shoulder gently, so not to upset him any further.

Gabriel opened his mouth and eyes wide as if he was putting on mascara and wiped away the tears with single flicks of his pudgy fingers. Gabriel grinned widely, unable to control himself. "I totally got you, Sasquatch," he laughed.

Sam slapped Gabe's face with his large hand lightly and playfully. "What the hell, Gabriel..." he groaned. "Do not do that.." Yet some part of him wanted to see it again. It was just so...cute...he looked like puppy in the rain, so sad, but so cute. He wanted a picture.  _'Jesus Sam stop thinking like that,'_  he thought, rolling his eyes, thankful that Gabe didn't notice.

"So...what should we do?"

"I dunno...it's your house, Mr. Winchester," he laughed.

"Oh come on..I can't think of anything...what do you like to do usually...?" Sam asked, raising an eyebrow.

Gabriel didn't answer, he just rubbed the back of his neck, looking around.

"I know you hate questions but can you please answer just this one?"

"I never said I didn't like questions. I love questions. But you just seem to ask the unanswerable," he smirked.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Will you answer it then?" he sighed.

"Mmmaybe," Gabriel teased, grinning crookedly.

"God Gabriel," Sam laughed. "Just answer it already."

Gabriel knew Sam wouldn't take 'nothing' for an answer. "I......." he started, thinking quickly, "draw?....." he said, looking confused and saying it almost like a question _._

**_'You idiot!! You can barely write!! What are you thinking?!'_ **

"Oooookkkayy?" Sam said, obviously a bit confused. "Well I guess I'll have to see your art sometime."

"No. No you can't do that...becausseeee...I sold it all to pay for Cassie's...things"

"Oh really?" Sam chuckled. "If you don't want to show me that's fine....anything else interesting? You have a boyfriend or um..girlfriend" he asked, rushing the last word out of his mouth.

"Yes," Gabriel said, matter-o-factly.

 ** _'No you don't! Bah!! Who would love you?!'_  **said the voices.

"Cool..I guess.." Sam said, a bit disappointed.  _'No don't think like that. Why are you thinking this. Why would he like you?'_

_'Fuck...shouldn't o' said that...he's just so damn...cute..No. Stop. Idiot. He's not cute, he's a dude. **You are supposed to like chicks.** '_

"What's her name?"

"Uh....Jennifer."

"Huh...cool...do I know her?" Sam asked.

"No! I mean...she lives on the other side of town."

"Oh...what's she like?" 

"I dunno...she's um...nice...I guess.." Gabriel mumbled.

"You guess?" Sam laughed. "You're dating her shouldn't you know?"

Gabe shrugged and laughed a bit nervously along with Sam.

"I'm not really boyfriend material. Everyone I get with either dumps me, or something else happens. I screw up a lot," Sam laughed.

Gabriel nodded a bit.

"Relationships never work if I'm in the picture," he said, chuckling a bit.

Gabriel bit his lip entire lower lip-not out of anxiety, just out of biting-and nodded again.

"Okay well I have a deck of cards...I don't know...we could play something..."

"I really don't care."

"What I usually do you would probably find boring..."

"What do you do?" Gabe asked, now a bit intrigued.

"I uh..read...like...a lot," Sam said awkwardly blushing a bit.

Gabriel's expression softened completely. "That sounds really nice," he murmured, smiling, his tone almost dreamy. He then realized what he said. "I mean, like, if you like that kind of boring stuff," he said quickly, chuckling softly.

"Yeah I guess it's nice and totally not boring," Sam chuckled, grinning at Gabriel. "What do you read?"

"Uhh..I don't read really.." he laughed.

Sam rolled his eyes and smiled. "Yeah I can tell," he laughed, not believing anything.

Gabriel laughed a bit nervously, feeling a bit warm.

Sam looked at Gabriel but quickly looked away and back at the wooden floorboards.

Gabe looked back at his dangling feet.

Sam cleared his throat awkwardly. "There's a lot of awkward tension..."

"Whadyou mean Moose m'Goosey," Gabe laughed.  _'So much...'_

"Well I mean, we just go silent at times..." Sam mumbled, quietly. _'I wish he didn't have Jennifer...'_  he thought, letting out a small groan and looking back down.

"Hmm? You okay there?" Gabriel laughed, turning towards him.

"What? Yeah I'm fine..why do you ask?"

"You...never mind.." he said, shaking is head.

**_'Damn you're a fucking idiot...'_ **

"Oh come on now, Gabriel," he smirked, leaning in closer. "You can tell me."

Gabriel wrinkled his nose and shrunk his head back a bit.

_'Oh god...oh God he's so close....so. fucking. close..'_

"Now you're being silent, that's not a good thing," he said easingly.

"Oh is it not?" Gabriel smirked, leaning into one arm so he was a bit closer.

"Yes it is, actually," Sam chuckled.

Gabriel's smirk widened, still looking directly at Sam.

Sam leaned away a bit, much to his  _and_  Gabriel's disappointment, once he realized how close he was to the other male. Gabriel looked down at his feet again at a loss of words.

Sam glanced back down at Gabriel, a small smile appearing on his lips.

Gabriel couldn't see Sam observing him through his thick hair that always fell in his face when his head was down.

Sam let out a laugh, not able to contain it.

Gabriel looked up, pushing his hair behind his ears. "What.."

"Hm? Oh nothing," he smiled, looking down at him, a dorky smile still on his lips.

Gabriel raised an eyebrow.

"I'll tell you some other time."

"So now  _you_ won't answer? I see how it is," he huffed, crossing his arms and turning his back.

"I never said that!" Sam laughed.

Gabriel laughed. Then his face got completely and utterly serious in a fake way. "This is the police! Put your hands where I can see 'em," he said in a low growled voice, and putting his hands into 'guns', imitating the sound of a police officer over a radio.

"Oh I'm soooo scared," Sam laughed sarcastically, putting his hands above his head, laughing more as they touched the low ceiling.

"Answer the question or I will be forced to shoot."

"Oh come on. You don't even have a gun," he said rolling his eyes but smiling.

"Oh yes I do. I have a  _really_  big gun," Gabe smirked, wiggling his eyebrows up and down.

Sam's cheeks heated up and he glared at Gabriel.

Gabriel grinned. "Your dark red Sammy. Do I need to call the hospital?"

"Shut up.."

Gabriel's smirk grew. "Cutie wootie widdle Sammy Wammy," he teased.

Sam laughed a bit and put his hands down. "No but seriously. That was sexual."

"Okay, so what if it was?" Gabriel smirked, chuckling to himself.

"Just letting you know," Sam laughed, biting his lip.

Gabriel laughed a bit to and looked away.

Sam looked around. "Anyways..."

Gabriel looked down at his light brown high tops. They had a few holes in the soles from many years of wear and the color was really faded, but other than that they looked pretty good.

Sam glanced at Gabriel again and couldn't help but sigh silently. _'Ugh...why is he so perfect...wait no Sam don't thinking this stuff...'_

Gabriel looked back a the smiling Sam.  _'His lips are so cute...don't you wish you could just touch them? Or maybe- no. Gabe stop. **I will have none of this,'**  _he thought, swallowing. He shrunk back a bit, suddenly feeling timid, mostly from the negative thoughts. A rosy blush spread across his face, covering his cheeks and exposed ears.

"Hmm...look who's blushing now," Sam smirked, glancing at Gabriel. He just wanted to kiss him...or touch his hand at least...

Gabriel blushed deeper and rolled his eyes looking away.

"Don't deny it," he said, smirk widening.

This only caused Gabriel to turn an even darker shade, but he tried to ignore it and look...smooth. "Uh huh Samuel...is that what you want?" he smirked.

Sam smirked and looked down at Gabe, cheek darkening a bit.  _'Stop flirting with him...he has a girlfriend..'_  he told himself, desperately wanting to ignore that.

Gabriel's smirk widened. He still wasn't tall enough, sitting in the table to get close enough to Sam so he got on his knees. "You're blushing again Sammy," he whispered close to his ear.

Sam's red cheeks seemed to dark, a small lump forming in his throat. Not in a, about to cry way. More in a kinda...nervous way. One thing was for sure, he definitely like Gabriel. A lot.

Gabriel grinned flirtatiously, leaning closer to him.  ** _'Gabriel!'_**  he shouted at himself in his head.

**_'WHAT are you doing?! Stop it this instant!'_ **

"Like a maraschino cherry," he smirked, licking his lips.

**_'Nope. Stop now. STOP IT. You are a horrible person. What kind of freak do you think you're allowed to be?!'_ **

Sam realized Gabriel was leaning in closer and his mind told him to stop bit..he just kept leaning in until their lips met, softly touching each other. Part of him told him it wasn't right, and to pull away but the other part told him how he enjoyed this, and to keep going.

Gabriel's heart skipped a beat, eyes widening. He didn't kiss back, but he didn't pull away either. He just knelt there, now sunken down, completely dumbfounded. His whole face was as red as a fire engine and he felt so hot he might burn up.

Sam and the urge to pin him down and kiss him right there on the table but he knew he couldn't. Sam pulled away and looked at Gabriel. "Shit...I'm so, so sorry.." Gabriel looked a bit scared, no. Terrified. And it was all his fault. "I'm so sorry I-" he stared, Gabriel cutting him off.

"I-...I should...I should go," he stammered rushing in his words and practically falling off the table, biting his lip.

"Y-yeah..Right....Text me?" he mumbled shoving a crumbled piece of paper into his hand.

Gabe swallowed visibly and nodded, biting his lip, forgetting entirely about his book bag sitting by the door. He rushed out, letting the heavily bolted door slam shut behind him, biting his lip to keep from crying out. A deep lump formed in the back of his throat as he ran towards the empty lot across the street. He crawled into a dirty old rusty tin barrel that looked like an enlarged soup can and broke down sobbing, trying to muffle his cries with his thickly knit sweater.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you, thank you, everyone! Bear with me! I'll be in France for 10 days so I'm not sure if I'll be able to write at all. Apologies!


	3. Roadrash

Gabe put his face between his stretched out thumb and pointer finger, trying to stop his burning tears.

 ** _'You cry like a pussy,'_**  said his thoughts.

Gabriel swallowed and tried to stop them, choking back his sobs until he couldn't breathe.

'W _hat have I done...'_ he thought to himself, his sniffling tears echoing loudly around him.

Gabriel bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut, salty tears dripping out. He pulled on his hair roughly and smacked himself in the face. When he finally stopped, he looked up at the tin 'ceiling', breath shaky. He let out a sigh and pulled up the right leg of his mud brown corduroy's up to his knee. Gabriel sighed again and crawled out not bothering to wipe at his red eyes. He untied one of his shoe laces and stood up.  _'Goin' for realism..'_  he thought to himself, breaking into a run, focusing on his feet. Once he was at a high speed, he stepped on his shoe lace and was instantly flung to the ground, landing on the side of his knee an face. He stood up naturally, as if this was a regular occasion -which in a way it was- and brushed a few pebbles out of the newly acquired road rash on his cheek, fingers coming away sticky with blood. He retied his shoelace and realized he had forgotten his bag.

 _'Your not going back,'_ he told himself. _'Not like this..'_  So he started back home.

Gabriel dabbed at the blood and continued walking, reaching his huge house after a good 20 minute walk.

He swallowed, looking up at it, hoping not to see Cas or his dad. There was no one on the first floor at least...

 _'Almost to the- **shittingfuckmothersonofacuntfish.** '_Gabriel had bumped into Cas. He swallowed and tried to walk around him, praying to God he wouldn't see his swollen eyes.

"Gabe...were you crying?"

Gabriel whipped around. "Hmm?! What?! No! Or..I mean, yes." He pulled aside the hair on his cheek, seeing Cas gasp. "I fell. I'm alright though," he smiled weakly.

Cas frowned, not believing a single word his brother said. Cas had caught him a few times that week, cutting himself. He knew he'd always been depressed, but he had thought he'd stopped the self-harm a few years back. Gabriel got better at hiding it, Cas observed. His thighs, stomach, hips, as well as arms were littered with countless bloody marks and puffy pink scars from when he'd cut to deep. Cas pursed his lips but nodded.

Gabriel, sensing his distrust, flashed him his signature grin. With that, he left the room, walking down the hall to his room, pushing open the door and looking at the cut on his face in a tall pastel pink and gold armoire.

_'Normal people don't have armoires...why does this house have so many?'_

He took off his sweater, the stringy wool catching on various scabs on his arms. He tossed it next to his large, white and pink bed. He didn't actually mind the white lace and frills that covered the room, like most boys his age would. At least he had a say in what he wore to school.

Gabe pulled on a brown colleague sweatshirt and walked into his bathroom, again filled with pale pink roses and little angels, to clean off his new scrapes.

Gabriel had all sorts of medical equipment stored in the mirror cabinet of the bathroom for occasions like this. So he washed them off and padded them dry with a cotton rag, blowing of bits of dirt and small gravel. He took out some antiseptic spray and pressed his thumb on the button releasing a fine mist into the open wound. Gabriel winced and bit his lip at the stinging sensation and then wrapped up his knee in an ace bandage. He peeled off a band aid and placed it carefully on his cheek, after applying some gel to the open skin.

Gabriel sighed and lay down on his bed. It creaked a bit under him and he bit his lip.

_' **You're so fat,'**  he told himself._

_'You're right...I am...'_

**_'Of course I'm right. I always am, fag.'_ **

_'Stop calling me that...'_

**_'Why should I, dick sucker?'_ **

_'Because I said STOP!'_

**_'Oh you think you can just snap your fingers and make your life perfect? Well to bad. You can't. So suck the fuck up and get over it. It isn't easy for_  me _having to live with_  you _!_ '**

Gabriel bit his lip and looked down at his sheets, sighing to himself and tried to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is short but I didn't know what else I could add that would stay in the chapter. Also, just so you know, if you're waiting for an update, I've been editing previous chapter and they are different now, if you want more, or want to see the things I've changed. (3/26/15)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy and continue to read.


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